Brad Hill

Today’s snackable tip has nothing and everything to do with youth ministry. Although it contains nothing specific about ministry to youth, it has everything to do with ministry.

Years before he died, Mike Yaconelli spoke these words to me in an old cathedral in downtown Pittsburgh:

“Your relationship with Jesus IS your ministry.”

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Click the button below to download a spiritual assessment, which I created to help us reflect and take stock of our spiritual lives. I hope you’ll print it, grab your favorite pen, and carve out some time to reflect on your relationship with the Lord.

I’m also wondering… What if we asked one another about this in the coming weeks? I believe the outcomes of that simple question could be beautiful and inspiring!

Thanks for loving the youth!

Much love,
Brad

I would like you to consider two scenarios after your next small group:

In the first, you feel excited! Group members spoke freely, listened to one another, and shared a deep sense of closeness and enthusiasm about the group.

In the second, you feel discouraged. One or two people dominated the conversation, others seemed disengaged, and there was a collective sigh of relief when the group was over.

What if there was a way to increase the likelihood of the first scenario?

Try this simple, two-step imagination exercise to help you lead better small group conversations.

Step 1: Imagine everyone in your group is holding an unfilled balloon.

Step 2: Your goal is to help each person inflate their balloon. Each time someone contributes to the conversation, they blow some air into their own balloon.

Remember, you cannot blow air into someone else’s balloon. In other words, you can’t force anyone to participate, only invite.

You also have a balloon. Every time you speak, you blow air into yours.

How do we help our group members fill their own balloons? In other words, how do we create safe spaces where they feel compelled to share and listen?

Here are four ideas (please feel free to share yours in the comments)

1. Affirm every response

“Thank you for sharing.”

“Wow – what a great idea! I never thought of it that way before.”

“I appreciate your courage in sharing so honestly.”

2. Embrace the silence

Say it with me: “Silence is okay!” People need space to think and process before they are ready to respond. If you struggle with group silence, here is a quick tip: After a question has been asked, begin counting in your mind. Give the group at least a minute to respond. Don’t feel or look awkward about it. If you’ve waited at least a minute and there is still silence, try asking something like: “Are you still thinking, or is this just a bad question?”

At times, we can feel like it’s our job to fill group silence by talking. And talking. And talking. If we do this, our balloons will grow so large that they fill the room and prevent group members from seeing or hearing one another. In other words, we could hinder the very things we are trying to create – conversation and connection. Embrace the silence.

3. Practice asking great questions

Be like Socrates and savor the art of asking great questions. Great questions arise from your own curiosity, have no “right” answer, and help stimulate further conversation. Affirm and celebrate when group members ask their own questions!

Here are some question ideas to use as a springboard:

• “I love this idea, can you tell me more about…?”
• “Can you give an example?”
• “Why do you think/feel this way?”
• “How would you [insert action] tomorrow?” For example, after a response about the importance of trust with parents, you could ask “What is one way you could begin rebuilding trust with your Mom tomorrow?”
• “Can anyone come up with another way to think about this?”
• “How would you explain this to a 7 year old?”
• “Does this remind you of anything else we’ve talked about?”
• “If you had to summarize our conversation in one sentence, what would you say?”

4. Prepare a few students beforehand

Send a quick message to a few students in your group. Say something like – “Hello! Tonight at small group, we plan to talk about relationships. Could you think of the top three qualities of a great friend and share them tonight with the group?”

Conversations can change the world! My hope and prayer is we will create safe spaces for our beloved youth to experience conversations which will change lives and advance the Kingdom of God.

At your next small group, “look” around at those imaginary balloons, and consider ways to help everyone contribute to the conversation. Feel free to try these four ideas, and please let me know how it’s going.

Much love,
Brad

We’ve all had them – the ‘How-in-creation-am-I-going-to-get-them-to-say-ANYTHING’ discussion session. You know, the ones where everyone is quiet, it feels awkward, and you wonder what to do next. Here are three ideas to help:

1 – Imagine they think you are an awesome leader!

Sometimes, when small group isn’t going so well, we are tempted to think it’s OUR fault; when, in reality, there are probably other things happening. Quiet small groups should not cause us to doubt ourselves as leaders. I want you to believe, deep down, that you are an awesome leader and the youth love you!

2 – Ask them to talk about anything

Let’s say your small group members just aren’t responding to the questions or the topic of the day. Would you rather spend the entire time trying to get them to discuss the questions (even though nobody is really into it) or would you rather spend a portion of the time talking about anything they want, and then spend the other portion in more spiritually-focused conversation? (Hint – the correct answer is B!)

To get them talking, it’s helpful to keep a list of questions in your back pocket. Questions like…

• What’s your favorite (fill in the blank)? 
• If you had $10 to spend on snacks at Sheetz, what would you buy? 
• Glad, Sad, Mad: I sometimes ask Gretta and Annie at dinner, “What made you glad/happy today?” and then I ask the same question about what made them sad or mad.

Amazing how much conversation can arise out of these three questions!

Also, please remember these three magic words for generating great conversation: TELL ME MORE. If someone shares something, follow it up with something like, “Tell me more about…”

3 – Ask students in the group for help.

A few days before you meet, ask one or two youth if they would prepare to share something during the group. Examples…

• “Tonight, I really want to go deep, can you help by sharing a story from your life about…?”
• “Tonight, we’re talking about…, do you think you could give an example of this from your own life?”
• “What do you think it would take to get everyone to share at least once tonight?”

It may take a few tries, but after asking a few times, the leaders in your group will take on a new role and will help the discussion immensely.

Let’s get ready for even more deep and meaningful conversations!

Much love,
Brad